I just had a call with my lead and it was the one of the talks I needed to have in this time of my life. I tell you, my work is killing me. Imagine me dealing with so much technical stuff going on and I am an HRM graduate. Sometimes I think it was a little mishap on choosing an IT job than pursuing the degree I hold. But I did not regret my choice. However, I am struggling with my work right now and as what I have said on my FB status last night, I am in between giving up and seeing how more I can take. I don’t know if she (my lead) has read my posts both in FB and my blog on how stressed I am at work, or my teammates told her I sleep at past four AM everyday. But honey, she just said the right words I needed to hear during our one hour call. I almost cried of gratefulness on how much she understands how I feel. I never thought she’d even care about my personal life. She’s way too busy to be bothered ‘bout non-work related things. I am just so happy she spared a little time for me in spite of her hectic schedule. Her comforting words somehow relieved the pressure and stress stuck in me for so long. Nah, just kidding. Just a few weeks maybe.
I almost lose my motivation to work, afraid I cannot deliver what is expected from me. But there is something that pushes me to go on. I don’t know what is it. I look forward to finding it out. Last year, I came to point where I wanted to look for another job – the one which I love to do. But then again, I didn’t push through for some personal reasons. Reasons only God truly understands. No sugarcoating, but I didn’t have a good relationship with my previous team. I’m glad I was transferred to another project. The workload is so much more a pain in the ass, but the people around me made it lighter. Well, not easy to accomplish the task, but at least I have a team whom I can run into when my brain capacity drops to zero percent. So long as I need an income, which I think will be forever, kakapit ako besh.
It is my biggest dream to tour around Europe (if possible, for free). I want to personally see that famous Eiffel Tower I’ve been dying to tick off from my bucketlist. France and Italy are just so romantic and dreamy. Dear future husband, please take me to those places for our honeymoon. I promise we’ll split the bill. I want to have breakfast outside a coffee shop whilst watching the passersby. But instead of coffee, I’ll have tea. I want to read a magazine or their local newspaper, pretending to understand their language. I want to just walk around all over the place and have dinner at some fancy restaurant, at least just once.

