I just had a call with my lead and it was the one of the talks I needed to have in this time of my life. I tell you, my work is killing me. Imagine me dealing with so much technical stuff going on and I am an HRM graduate. Sometimes I think it was a little mishap on choosing an IT job than pursuing the degree I hold. But I did not regret my choice. However, I am struggling with my work right now and as what I have said on my FB status last night, I am in between giving up and seeing how more I can take. I don’t know if she (my lead) has read my posts both in FB and my blog on how stressed I am at work, or my teammates told her I sleep at past four AM everyday. But honey, she just said the right words I needed to hear during our one hour call. I almost cried of gratefulness on how much she understands how I feel. I never thought she’d even care about my personal life. She’s way too busy to be bothered ‘bout non-work related things. I am just so happy she spared a little time for me in spite of her hectic schedule. Her comforting words somehow relieved the pressure and stress stuck in me for so long. Nah, just kidding. Just a few weeks maybe.

I almost lose my motivation to work, afraid I cannot deliver what is expected from me. But there is something that pushes me to go on. I don’t know what is it. I look forward to finding it out. Last year, I came to point where I wanted to look for another job – the one which I love to do. But then again, I didn’t push through for some personal reasons. Reasons only God truly understands. No sugarcoating, but I didn’t have a good relationship with my previous team. I’m glad I was transferred to another project. The workload is so much more a pain in the ass, but the people around me made it lighter. Well, not easy to accomplish the task, but at least I have a team whom I can run into when my brain capacity drops to zero percent. So long as I need an income, which I think will be forever, kakapit ako besh.